Dr Jekyll and Mister Hyde
Yesterday, while talking on the phone, I realized I am already half gone.
Just before leaving a place, I usually feel that I’m separated from others, I’m behind a window. I can still look at them and communicate, but I’m not in the same world. This sensation lasts for a short time. It’s strong, and then it’s gone.
Now it seems that each day, one tiny piece of glass is added to build the window. Very slowly. It grows on me. And it feels natural. I can’t remember if I felt that way when I left Switzerland in 2000. I must have. Everything felt natural, like now.
I’m constantly stressed. Working full time, packing and organizing everything isn’t easy on my body. Deep down, I’m in peace, I’m strong. But I constantly forget. I’m always about to give up, but I never feel the desire to do so. I know this rythm isn’t right, I’m only doing it because I know it’ll stop soon. I have big mood swings.
How can one have such opposite feelings and still be able to function? Isn’t it a bit miraculous?